KIDS IN GRADE SCHOOL THINK FAST

Teacher

Image by tim ellis via Flickr

TEACHER: Why are you late?

WEBSTER: Because of the sign.

TEACHER: What sign?

WEBSTER: The one that says, “School Ahead – Go Slow.”

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TEACHER: Where would we be today if no one had ever been curious?”

JOHN: In the garden of Eden?

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TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!

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TEACHER: John, how do you spell “crocodile?”

JOHN: K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L”

TEACHER: No, that’s wrong

JOHN: Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

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TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?

SARAH: H I J K L M N O!!

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

SARAH: Yesterday you said it’s H to O!

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TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.

GEORGE: Here it is!

TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?

CLASS: George!

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TEACHER: Willie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.

WILLIE: Me!

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TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?

TOMMY: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.

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TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with “I.”

ELLEN: I is…

TEACHER: No, Ellen…Always say, “I am.”

ELLEN: All right…”I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”

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TEACHER: “Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?”

JOHNNY: “Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time.”

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TEACHER: “George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him?”

JOHNNY: “Because George still had the ax in his hand.”

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TEACHER: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SAM: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.

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TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?

DESMOND: No, teacher, it’s the same dog!

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TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

PUPIL: A teacher.

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SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?

FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?

SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.

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